There is a crisis at every turn of the road. -_-

I am losing it.
It’s like stacking a house of cards.
I am about to add the last two cards, but I know once I put them down, the entire structure WILL collapse.

I can no longer push myself.
Hanging by a thread.
The container is full.
I just can’t absorb anymore.

When I see a blank page, I have a blank mind, not a creative one.
It’s totally unlike my Junior College education.
Where did my critical thinking and ideas go?
Distractions are everywhere.
Short attention span aggravated by inner restlessness and the anxiety to differentiate myself from others.
 
I cannot lead a life like this.
Where is my sense of purpose?
Tangible stuff is important to me.
I want to be a person of actions, not words.

How does writing 5,000-word essay help anyone?
How does getting an A in an exam help anyone?
How do I look beyond existing obstacles when I can’t relate them to my long term goals?

I am not a smart person. I can’t understand these things.
It is grueling, this training.

I need to write more. Think more. Read more.